To whom it may concern:
The world is a very complex, involved place. While you do not feel the need to report on the endless conflict in Sri Lanka, the fact that Joe Wilson (R-Douchebag) inadvertently raised $800k for his opponent, and the “public health care option” is a mindless concession to bureaucrats who already have terrific insurance, you insist on publishing a daily piece chastising fat women. Today’s special, “Once Bullied, Token Fat Girl Sheds 110 lbs”, really spoke to me, MSNBC.
Did it inspire me to put down the donut and cigarette and join a walk-a-thon? Did it force me to look in the mirror and shame myself? Nope, if anything, it prompted me to seek an actual news source for you know, actual news. I went to The Guardian site instead. Reading your article, however, I must commend you for tabloid scare headlines and adding to the enormous sense of failure that causes women to eat out of frustration.
As a dedicated fat chick, I’ve pretty much gotten over that shit. I realized long ago that the world sort of has a blank check to say whatever it wants to me, so I decided to talk back. Let’s dissect a portion of your article for a moment:
“At 252 pounds, the size-22 mom struggled with basic everyday activities and chores. She recalls feeling “defeated” when trying to fit into theater or restaurant seats, and “humiliated” when shopping for new clothes. But as frustrated as she was, she couldn’t find the motivation control her eating habits. Rachael’s daily intake consisted of sausages, pancakes and biscuits for breakfast; pizza and sandwiches for lunch, and dressing-soaked salads and fatty starches for dinner. Rachael thought she was eating healthy by having salads, tuna and chicken, but she didn’t know to refrain from drenching her meals in dressings and oily sauces. Insecure and unhappy, she worried about how her weight and her mood might affect her small children. “
Aside from her uncontrollable urge to drench her children in oily sauces, Rachael couldn’t muster the courage to buy a shirt or watch a movie without falling to pieces. She didn’t even know she wasn’t eating healthfully! What a fat idiot! She couldn’t complete everyday activities and chores! Three-year-olds can do that. According to Jamie Lee Curtis, I cannot poop properly. According to Brooke Shields, my eyelashes aren’t dark enough and now, according to you, I should have trouble completing basic tasks because I’m so insecure and unhappy.
Since you’re a news source, here’s a newsflash: the people you choose to profile have deep-seeded emotional issues that run parallel to their obesity.
Here’s some advice to the unhappily fat: do drugs. I’m not kidding. Just do them. Show your kids what it’s like to be in real danger. Don’t stand behind your thin friend at the bar and look uncomfortable. Snatch the mic away from the shithead on karaoke and scream, “Hey man, that suit is YOU! You’ll get some leg tonight FOR SURE! Tell us HOW YOU DO!” and mean it.
If you feel sad when you try on clothes, shop somewhere else. Wear shit that doesn’t fit. If a dress is too small, wear it as a shirt. FTW. Eleanor Roosevelt had it right: no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. That’s sage advice coming from an awesome tubby lesbian who married her cousin.
In closing MSNBC, try reporting some actual news. It’s good for the soul. And stop telling people to join faith-based weight-loss programs, it’s weird. I choose one faith, gentlemen, and that’s the teachings of early 90’s Prince. The purple one commands me to look in the mirror, look beyond the mirror and say, “I like ‘em fat. I like ‘em proud. You gotta have a mother for me so move that big ass ‘round this way so I can work on that zipper, baby.” Tonight, MSNBC, you’re a star…and I’m the big dipper.
Stay fat,
Esther
